Nanowrimo 2021 - Start here…

Welcome fellow Traveller! You have entered a sacred space. A space where process triumphs over product, progress over perfection. For many, many years I have been writing, and for the first time plucking up the courage to share in those very first stages, at zero or first draft stages… Why, you might ask? After 8 years of Nano (I first participated in 2013), I have an accumulated lifetime words of over half a million! Yes, 500,000+! And how many of those words have been published, or even taken to “finished” stories? None… Yet. That changes today. Today I’m taking a leap of faith and setting out upon a new journey - a journey where I take you with me as I write. I make no promises - there will be typo’s, inconsistencies, plot bunnies galore… Some days I might post a lot, and sometimes for a week, nothing. I apologise in advance! But I hope in all of that you will hear my heart - that it’s never too late, or too early to start. And to share. Because you never know who needs to hear / read / see where you are RIGHT NOW. And I hope you can enjoy these stories as I continue to explore them.

So I’m starting with what I’m writing for this month’s Nanowrimo. You might feel lost, like there’s a whole chunk of story missing - that’s because, there is. There is a lot going on in this fantasy realm, but I hope that as I explore the latest instalment of story that those unknowns will unravel and reveal themselves enough to stand on its own. I’ll also try and provide some context, not really as a full explanation but also to help me keep track of things and characters. If you’re a fellow writer, you’ll know exactly what I mean ;) If you have serious questions, or if you simply enjoy what you read here, I’d love to connect with you! You can find me on email at hello@jomariebarlow.com. Or leave a comment below :)

A last, favourite quote as a gentle request and reminder that this is a truly vulnerable space, so please take that into account when you provide any feedback :)

“But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.”
-William Butler Yeats (from a favourite movie, Equilibrium)

Story context:

Genre: Fantasy

Main Character: Ian (originally from “Oasis”, written for Nanowrimo 2013)

Current Novel: “Kingdom of Dreams - Further Explorations” (no official title yet - work in progress for Nanowrimo 2021)

Ian dives

Ian stood at the edge of the cliff, his heart beating in his throat. The roar of the waterfall filled his ears, so loud that he could barely hear himself think. He watched as (@todo name??) soared into a graceful swan dive, time seeming to stop as she plummeted towards the crystalline surface. He wouldn’t have heard it if there was, but he was pretty sure she didn’t even make a sound - barely a drop of water splashed as her arms, then head, then the rest of her body broke the surface. He strained forward, wishing there was something he could hold onto as he leaned over to see her come back up. His heartbeat increased, sweat clammy on his palms. What if she’d hit some rocks at the bottom, or her head had connected with the water at an incredible speed, breaking through as if concrete instead of liquid? Or what if…?

He was jerked from his nightmarish revery by her grinning smile and waving arms. Her mouth was moving, but he couldn’t hear the words, of course. He knew her well enough by now to take a guess at what she was saying - “Come on in, silly!” or something to the same effect. He took several steps back from the edge, ducking as if it would hide his fear from her. But she knew - he knew she knew him inside out already, even though they’d only met days ago.

The one thing he regretted most right now about growing up in a desert city? Never getting to learn how to swim. He swung his arms and creaked his neck, trying to work up the courage. A sudden noise behind him make him turn and look back into the bushes where they had come down with the path into the cavern. He tried to squint into the darkness, but the glaring light reflecting from the pool below into the cavern roof made the shadows in the foliage even trickier to discern, as if they were a myriad ofd living, breathing forms—

A shape emerged, human and yet… The face was black like the shadows around it, tentacles outstretched. A gaping maw stretched open wide, the space where it’s throat was supposed to be empty - not just black, but showing through the foliage behind it. And then, the face, the foliage, all of it shifted, the shadows drawing in colour from the flowers and leaves, swirling them around until the shadow became a face. A proper, fully formed face this time. It was—

“No!” Ian screamed, stumbling backwards. In his terror, he forgot where he was, forgot the waterfall, the edge—

His foot flailed behind him, reminding him in a sudden flood of fear, but it was too late. Ian was falling. And wishing he knew how to swim.

#

He had the same sense of slow motion he’d felt when Christine (@todo confirm name) had been plummeting down. But for him, it was a sense of imminent doom rather than infitinate grace. He tried to twist his body to match what he had seen her do - the perfect line of her arms crossed, hands forming an arrow’s point with the rest of her body following behind, but instead he was a chaotic bundle of flailing limbs. And screaming. He became aware of a constant, raw sound leaving his throat, the scream reaching his ears even above the sound of the waterfall. In his twisting and turning about, he caught sight of the terrified expression on Christine’s face, and her waving at him, but he couldn’t keep in the same position long enough to make out what she was trying to tell him. The water was getting closer and Ian saw no other way out, so he closed his eyes, squeezing them as tightly as he could, tried to focus on the right posture anyway and suddenly, in that moment, in his mind’s eye transported himself back to when he had first been learning kite flying out in the desert. The sense of the air around him, how the wind had tugged at his clothes, tugging him down at first but really trying to lift him up instead. Only this time, the wind was swirling with water, a maelstrom twisting and turning around him, lifting him up, stopping his momentum before — after a brief pause in motion — sucking him down to its midst.

Ian opened his eyes, surprised that he hadn’t felt the pain of the impact yet. Had it been so vicious that he had skipped straight to the afterlife without any pain or sense of passing? The blurred colours surrounding him quickly told him that he was still alive, and now drifting underwater. He looked around, colours of yellow and green and deep purple whirling around hime. Seaweed danced around him, making it difficult to see beyond their moving shapes, but their colours were so beautiful and mesmerising that it barely mattered. Ian glanced down and bubbles escaped his mouth as he gasped involuntarily. At his feet, toward the bottom of the pool, glinted a thousand lights, their sparkle turning the water around them into a rainbow of colours. Ian’s air was running out but he barely noticed, he was so entranced. A small part of him, a tiny part in the back of his brain, was screaming at him to start kicking and swim up. This small part had realised that he had managed to break his fall, but Ian had somehow called upon some strange water spirit, and it wasn’t nearly as kind as that of the wind… No, the water didn’t want to let it’s new friends go.

Ian felt his body convulsing and only then realised what was happening. Belatedly, he started kicking his feet and scrabbling his hands to swim upwards, but his muscles were already weak with lack of oxygen. Something urged him to look down again, just one more time glancing upon that beauty before life deserted him, and he did… Or tried to, when something grabbed hold of his arm and jerked viciously upward. If Ian had any air left in his lungs he would have screamed, but instead, he passed out, the beautiful colours hovering just on the edge of his vision as everything finally faded to black.

#

When Ian came too, he was sopping wet and draped over an outcropping of rock against the side of the pool. Christene hovered over him, her purple irises darkened with worry. Her eyes widened as they met his and realised that he was awake. She leaned in closer and for a moment, his heart skipped a beat and he was certain she was going to kiss him. Then she leaned back and slapped him across the face. Ian’s vision blurred and his head jerked.

“You idiot!” She screamed, fists pummelling at his chest. Ian lifted his hands to try and stop her, but his muscles were still weak. Was she that upset that he’d nearly died…? A grin tugged at his lips. He might have a chance after all—

“No, you idiot! You woke it… You woke her! We were supposed to investigate, to just have a look around, but you couldn’t help yourself, you just had to stumble right into all of it—“

Ian finally managed to get up enough energy to catch her one wrist in his hand, and then the other. Gently, he pulled her closer, bringing her right up to his face, and keeping her there.

“Ssssh”, he said, using the finger of one hand to press against her lips. He must have gained a lot of sudden courage from his near death experience, because before he had barely struggled to find the words to talk to her, let alone this…

Christine glared at him, but she complied, her words fading off into silence.

“He was here. It— Damn it, these spirits are confusing me with their namelessness. But it was his fault, his fault that I fell—“ Ian shuddered, remembering the fear again, the complete mind numbing terror that made him forget who he was, what he had done and what he could do again. For those precious moments after his encounter with (@todo name of the spirit / being at the top of the cliff??), he had lost all thought, all focus. If things had gone according to plan, Ian would have stopped himself right before hitting the water, keeping his control on the air and from there helping Christine gain control over the water too. But his plan had been torn apart, and he had tumbled down and in his mind numbed state somehow called on both the wind and the water to help him.

And in the process, awakened the spirit that lurked at the bottom of the pool.

“What’s done is done,” he said, shaking his head, trying to shake the fear and memory of the being at the top of the cliff as well. “Our only question now is - what do we do now?”

Before Christine could answer him, the roar of the waterfall swelled to a strange, hideous sound. It was distorted, louder and yet also somehow - more. As if even more water was rushing down—

“Up!” Ian cried, forcing all of his remaining energy and focus to call on the wind, hoping that enough of his body was exposed that his call for help would be heeded. He tightened his grip on Christine’s wrists as well, squeezing his eyes shut and instead focusing on his sense of the wind around him.

Please. He whispered. He felt a tug take hold, and fail, at first. The second attempt failed too, but as Ian and Christine both kicked against the water with all their might, the wind finally took hold and swooped them into the air. And not a moment too soon, as a gian wave swelled from the waterfall towards where they had been clinging against the cliff. If they had still been there, the water would either have crushed them right there, or dragged them down into the dark watery depths. Ian managed just enough to get the wind to put them back down on the cliff. HIs legs gave way as he landed, and terror swarmed his heart again. He looked around with jerky movements, but there was no sign of the Memory Terror. For now. He looked next to him, following his arms to where his hands were still holding onto Christine by her wrists. Her eyes were wide as well, but with a mixture of not just fear. But awe.

“I knew you were strong, but I didn’t realise—“ She shook herself, not finishing her sentence. “Come on, we’d better get out of here and report to the others. Before one of these spirits get us completely in their claws this time.”

Ian just nodded and let go of her wrists, wincing as he saw the deep red marks and welts where he had gripped. She shrugged it off. “Rather that than be left behind. Come on.” She said again, and reached out for his hand. Using each other’s strength to keep their momentum going, they limped back up the path, hoping and praying that nothing else would stop them getting back. They didn’t know how long they stumbled through the thick foliage, brushing aside leaves only when they were really in their way. Until finally, they stumbled back into the sunlight, and the waiting frowns of the friends they had left behind.

#

“What happened? What took you so long?” They’re leader lurched forward, weapon at the ready, but Christine held up a hand which kept him at bay. Ian suddenly stumbled to his knees, his stomach refusing to keep his terror in any longer, and emptying what felt like a river’s worth of water into the bushes. He heard the snickers of the team, jeering comments, but all he could see was that face twisting and filling with a real person’s features, and then the strange underwater experience. And the feeling, deep deep down, that had sprouted to life ever since he called to the water the first time. It scared him, scared him deep down into his bones… It was a strange elation at the power he had held, the feeling of something sacred right at his fingertips, beckoning him to come closer. Something that had seemed impossible before, and certainly forbidden, but he had had a taste and what scared him the most that he wanted to go back for more—

“Are you okay?” Christine’s gentle touch on his shoulder jerked him back to the presence and, on reflex, he jerked away from her. He wiped his mouth, turning away and pretending that that was the reason for the shame burning on his cheeks. But the truth was that for a moment, he had feared that she could see his thoughts, see the desire burning in his bones, the deep deep desire to go back and to give himself over to whatever that thing was.

Ian took a deep breath before pushing himself back onto his haunches, and then slowly to his feet. The world dimmed around him for a moment, a dizzy spell almost causing him to lose his balance, but Christine’s light grip on his elbow kept him grounded. He managed a watery smile and nodded at her.

“Thank you.”

She nodded back, her eyes speaking more than words could say. And it made the shame inside him burn even hotter.

“Well? Are we all done retching out our first drink like teenagers around a camp fire?” The leader snarled and spat on the ground.

“Fillipe—“ Christine started, but Ian stopped her, this time it was his turn to put a gentle hand on her arm.

He let the silence hang, turning to face the team leader - his team leader too, supposedly, full on. He met Fillipe’s gaze until the other man started to fidget and turn away.

“You might not have been there to see it, but something monumental changed today,” Ian started. He saw a couple of mouths open as if they wanted to ask a question, but he didn’t let them. “We made contact with Water.”

The way he said it, everyone knew. They had finally, finally made contact with that lost element, the one that had always been out of reach, that had never let anyone live to tell the tale.

Suddenly excited chatter erupted into the silence, and the team stepped forward to clap Ian on the shoulder and congratulate him. This was like the holy grail (@todo change to a more relevant reference), the thing that everyone had been looking for all along. They had sent in Christine to find her - Water - but it had been Ian who made that connection. Ian turned his head slightly, catching sight of Christine’s carefully neutral expression. She was smiling just enough to keep up pretences, but how did she really feel about all this? She had been a part of this group - this cult, really - all her life. Had been born into it with the expectation that she would be the one chosen to bring back the last and final element into human control. She met his gaze, and for an instant something flashed behind her eyes but it was quickly hid away by her brilliant smile. Ian shook his head. There would be time for doubts later. For now, he had to make sure he kept up the pretence, that he kept playing their game.

Because once they realised that there was no way he was going to give up this special connection, this special role he had been given, there would be hell to pay.

#

The stars had already gone dark again when Ian lay awake, Christine against his side, stroking the naked skin on her arm. She shivered and settled in closer against him, and Ian tugged the blankets over her. He loved this time of night in the desert, when the heat of the day was well and truly banished. Sure, the chill started creeping in as soon as the sun set, but it took a while for it to certainly dissipate, for the stones to no longer hold that glow of heat, for the dirt to give up every last inch of warmth, for even the most diligent fire keeping finally falling asleep as even the stars winked out in the sky. Ian gazed up at it, marvelling at the great expanse of blackness above them. He loved staring at the stars too, but somehow, now, when their lights dimmed in preparation for the dawn, with the night at its darkest, coldest hour, had always been the time when he felt most inspired.

Careful not to wake her, Ian edged off the bed roll, tucking the blanket tightly around Christine before he got up and walked away. He wished he could stay, but there was no coming back. Not after what happened today, and not with what he knew about this group. Christine might never forgive him for it, and it pained him deeply to know that. But an instinct deep inside his gut warned him not to let even her - especially her - get any closer.

Without any extra light to guide him, Ian walked barefoot back to where the path plunged into the cavern beneath the city floor, a place that had been there all along. All this time, it had been Water that had beckoned him, Water that had inspired him to take to the sky, to discover his affinity for talking to the Wind, for learning it’s ways. But it had all been a part of her ploy, an intricate plan to lure him here. Always here. He glanced over his shoulder, satisfied when he saw the bundle where he had left Christine that she hadn’t realised that he had gotten up. He lifted his hand in a final goodbye before ducking beneath the cave entrance and letting his heart guide him.

He wasn’t left in darkness long before the reflection from the pool below started lighting the cavern walls around him. He wanted to stop and marvel at the beauty around him, but his feet wouldn’t let him. It was as if he was connected to some unseen force, somehow no longer in control of his own movements. He could swivel his head and look where he wanted, but the rest of his body was moving steadily downward. A thin sheen of perspiration dotted his upper lip as he grew closer and closer, his heartbeat increasing in expectation. He almost laughed at himself as he wiped his hands on his trousers - he couldn’t remember when last he had been this nervous.

“Are you afraid of me?”

The voice stopped him dead in his tracks, and for the first time Ian looked down and realised that he was right back at the very edge of the cliff. His heartbeat spiked, but he was surprised to find it was triggered by anticipation and not fear. He swallowed, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. Something told him that honesty was crucial.

“Yes,” he answered simply, wanting to add more, to justify himself, but something stopped him from saying anything else.

Laughter seemed to bounce from waterfall’s roar, mocking him and yet inviting him at the same time. Ian lifted his arms above his head and let the laughter fill him, a gentle wind stirring his hair and clothes as a laugh escaped his lips as well. He spun around slowly, letting laughter ease back into a smile, taking in the beauty before him. Beneath the cliff, the water danced in a rainbow of colours, inviting him in, in in…

“Come”, she whispered, this time rising up in a gentle shape of the mist around the waterfall. Her arms reached out and beckoned, as if she would catch him when he fell. When he stepped willingly into her embrace.

And in that instant, a deep and utter trust filled Ian’s heart. His dive off the cliff earlier that day had been an accident driven by fear. This time - this time it would be different.

He stepped towards the edge, his feet curling over the sharp rocks, relishing every sensation. A shudder ran through his body. He wanted to close his eyes, to feel her, to block out everything else, and yet he couldn’t stop. He wanted to see everything. And so, he stretched his arms as high as he could. And dove down into the water’s depths.

#

It felt like returning to a lover’s embrace, warm and familiar and comfortable. None of the fear Ian had felt before remained. Instead there was a steady confidence, and a sigh of relief, as if the water had been waiting yet not sure if he would ever return. Once his momentum eased and he floated easily in the depths of the pool, he turned around and floated, his arms lazily keeping him moving. He didn’t try to go to the surface, even though his lungs were slowly trying to ache for air. Something told him he wouldn’t need to. He still felt safe and warm yet panick was rising in his chest as oxygen grew less and less. He tried to hold back, to keep himself down, but he couldn’t. He was about to give and rise to the surface when something grabbed hold of his ankle.

“Stay”, she whispered. And he wanted to, but how? Ian tried to relax, but his body betrayed him. Muscle reflexes jerked and pulled and suddenly all he could feel was fear as darkness crept into his vision.

“Breathe,” she urged, a gentle push against his lips. Even though everything inside him screamed not to, he trusted her, trusted that voice. Even though they’d never met before today - not in his memory anyway, it was if they had known each other forever. And so finally, his body in a final spasm, he opened his mouth and breathed.

He expected to choke, but water flowed into his mouth and lungs, as natural as if he was breathing air. It was his exact body temparutre and felt almost more comfortable than if he was breathing actual air.

“Wow, this is amazing!” he breathed, and gulped in more water to make up for his oxygen starved muscles. He opened his eyes to look around him, and was startled to find his vision as clear as crystal, even clearer than if he was staring into open sky. The water around him amplified what he saw, and in the same way that he could call on the wind to magnify something of the landscape to show as if it were right next to him, the water did the same, bending and twisting the light until he could make out the finest details on even the furthest rocks. He was about to turn around and explore more when a shadow crossed his vision. Ian stilled, anticipation hammering in her chest. Finally, she was here, truly here. In her physical form, not just in the water that represented her.

Ian forced himself to come to a standstill, to sop even the instinctive motion to keep his arms and feet moving, and was amazed - yet again - to find a natural bouancy, almost as if the water knew that, for now, he wanted to remain where he was. So it was as if he was floating in mid-air. Again, the shadow flitted by and Ian almost wanted to laugh at the uncertainty he felt streaming off her. They were connected already, her emotions tangible to him, and certainly the same for his. For the moment, he wiped laughter from his mind - it wouldn’t do to have her think he thought she was a fool. It was all just so amazing…

A thrill went through his body as she leaned in close and touched his cheek, her skin like velvet. Her form was still indistinct, nothing more than shadow, and yet it was as if he could see her at the same time. Bright hair spun about in rainbows around her head, as if a thousand waterfalls were dancing there. Eyes the colour of the pool, shifting and changing between blue and green and a deep dark grey, perhaps to match her mood or some other unknown factor Ian wasn’t aware of. Before he could think on it any more, she leaned in and kissed him. Ian’s body arched in ecstasy, it was as if she was suddenly a part of him, caressing the deepest parts of his desires, his dreams and hopes, right there in his mind. It went deeper than a physical pleasure, although there was that too. Never before had he been so thoroughly known, and yet… Still accepted.

Ian’s eyes remained closed as he floated in the aftermath of ecstasy. He reached for her, but she flitted away again. Laughter filled his ears and he laughed with her, spinning around to try and catch just another glimpse of her, of the perfect form and power he had glimpsed in that instant of connection. Goosebumps tickled his cheek and shoulder as she leaned in from behind to whisper in his ear.

“That’s just the beginning, Ian. You’re mine now. Imagine what great things we can do together!”

“Ian!”

The discordant voice shattered Ian’s thoughts and for a moment, he was drowning, water filling his lungs. Christine’s concerned gaze peered down at him from atop the cliff, but she couldn’t see him, he was too far under. But he could see her, and in that instant the connection was broken and Ian knew - he was in deep trouble.

“Sshhh… Sleep. There’s time enough to stir up nightmares. For now, let’s enjoy our pleasure together.”

Another kiss was all it took and Christine was already forgotten. Even as he faded into ecstasy, a small seed of worry remained. Perhaps it would be enough to keep him grounded when he had an opportunity to come up for air again.

#

Christine paced up and down on the edge of the cliff, careful not to go to close yet different to catch a glimpse of Ian. She had woken from a strange sound, uncertain at first what it was that had brought her out of a land of dreams. The first thing she noticed, of course, was the empty space behind her where Ian had been when she fell asleep in his arms. The second though, was a deep unease, a sense of trouble coming from within the caves. She’d quickly wrapped herself in her coat, and stepped back down the path. As she came closer to the waterfall, she knew for certain something was wrong - something was different about the sound of the waterfall. The rushing water was deeper, more ominous somehow. And triumphant. A sudden crash sealed it, and it was just then that she reached the cliff’s edge and peered down. The waterfall had risen to momentous proportions, filling the pool to the brim. The water was swirling around in strange patterns, and at the centre, in the midst of a deep purple glow, drifted Ian. His eyes were closed and his body limp, so much so that at first Christine feared that he was dead. But then she saw his lips move, ever so slightly, and realised that what he was, was far far worse. He was taken by one of the element gods. And she had to get him out before it was too late. Without letting herself spend anytime thinking on the sanity of her decision, Christine threw off her coat and dove into the maelstrom beneath her, careful not to dive too close to where Ian was.

As her body sliced through the air like a razor, fear suddenly paralysed her. Where the water had been just moments before was suddenly sand and ragged rocks, the water pulled away towards the waterfall and some unseen river entrance - or exit. Taking Ian with it. In desperation, Christine called on the wind. She didn’t know if he would heed her - they had no bond, no knowledge of each other, but she knew they both had one thing in common. They both needed to see Ian live. And so, she tried. And to her astonishment found herself moving horizontally across the air, skimming the pool’s surface to catch up with where the water was receding.

“Faster!” She urged, realising somehow that if the water left the pool, she would never see Ian again. There were bare inches left of the water disappearing beneath the waterfall, beneath the foliage when she touched it with her outstretched finger tips. That was all she needed to force the connection.

“Gotcha! Now you have no choice but to take you with me.”

Her victory was short-lived as her wish became reality. Water swirled around her, over her, and forced itself into her lungs. It seems if she was going to go along, it wouldn’t be on her terms after all.

* * *